Posted in Transitioning Home by Brittany Smith on 4/3/2012
Hello again, I thought a blog might be nice about now (and if you're envisioning me saying words like "about" and "out" with a Canadian accent...well you'd be right, I have adapted to my environment, I'd say I fit in all right...)...first I'll start with an excerpt from the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.
April 2 -
I have promised to meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Your deepest, most constant need is for My Peace. I have planted Peace in the garden of your heart, where I live; but there are weeds growing there too: pride, worry, selfishness, unbelief. I am the Gardener, and I am working to rid your heart of those weeds. I do My work in various ways. When you sit quietly with Me, I shine the Light of My Presence directly into your heart. In this heavenly Light, Peace grows abundantly and weeds shrivel up. I also send trials into your life. When you trust ME in the midst of trouble, Peace flourishes and weeds die away. Thank Me for troublesome situations; the Peace they can produce far outweighs the trials you endure.
Now the reference verses for this TRUTH - Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" and 2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
I know that it is already April 3...but I just wanted to share with you the TRUTH that God shared with me through His Word, and through Sarah's book. Recently, stuff's been kinda difficult (could I be anymore vague...perhaps...) but I've been struggling with who I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go from here. Where is God calling me? Who is he calling me to be? Why don't I feel like I'm getting a clear answer?
These are still questions that I have. So far I've only had answers in the form of where God ISN'T calling me to be...at least at this time in my life....but I recognize that it is in these trials, these questions, this uncertainty where I am being pruned. That the "useless" branches are being cut off, and those that bear fruit are being cut back, that they may bear MORE fruit than before (John 15). It's not an easy or pleasant time...but I trust God. Ultimately that is my truth, that I trust God with my whole heart...I trust Him with my life, and I trust that he has a purpose for my life, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last" (John 15:16). I trust that God will use me in some way to further His Kingdom. Until then, I will rest in His Peace.
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Posted in Transitioning Home by Brittany Smith on 1/10/2012
Happy New Year!! It's about time for a life update...don't you think, especially if things are so completely different from how my last blog would have you believe...
So about 5 months ago I wrote my last blog, and I was in a VERY different place than I am now...physically, not so much, but emotionally and spiritually...relationally...
Now to "unpack that statement" as my dad loves to say...
I was two months removed from the Race, one month removed from moving here to our new home in Newmarket, I was really struggling with not knowing anyone, not having a job, not knowing what I wanted to do, not being able to really talk with anyone from the Race who might have been sharing my own apprehensions/struggles/battles, not being able to put into words how I really felt, the fact that I was going through something, but didn't know what. I was sick of using "my trip" as an excuse, a crutch, a reason for why I felt like I couldn't connect with ANYONE...and I wanted to go back to what I thought I knew...I knew I could live in community, I knew I wanted missions to be a part of my life, I knew that I wanted God to be the focus of my life...I just didn't know how that was supposed to look. I assumed that doing something similar to what I had done before would be sufficient (hence the desire to do YWAM Montana), that it would be what God was calling me to...and I thought, well hey, an easy way of seeing God and making new friends and continuing with my missions-mindset would be to go back and do what I had been doing, but doing it differently, learning more about the God I had encountered in the nations...diving into a deeper and newer understanding, leaving behind my family (again) in the pursuit of God's calling...
Well let's just say that's when God stepped in with a thing or two to say. It was sneaky, but not in a back alley, Satan's trickery kind of way...not like that at all, but unexpected, get you when you're convinced your ideas are right and show you exactly how wrong you are...kind of way. We were looking for churches, I had completed most of my YWAM application, I was well on my way to severing my ties to this community/neighbourhood and just helping to contribute to my family finding a church, distancing myself from it all when low and behold, we go to a church...I filled out the info card, and I tick off the "please, send us more information" purely out of the mentality that they will harmlessly mail us something, or perhaps we'll get a free "visitors' gift basket" or something...
WRONG...
We got a phone call. The pastor and his wife wanted to come over and meet with/talk with our whole family. Crap. I didn't want to talk to people, (so weird I know but I believe I already said I was in a dark place emotionally) mostly because all I had to talk about was just coming home from this whirlwind experience, I couldn't put it all into words, I had no idea how to express my disgust for our excess, and my quick assimilation back into it...
I wanted to hide in my room, fake a nose bleed...but no..."Brittany you ticked it off on the card, you are going to be down here talking to these people" aka it's your fault, you handle it...now this was all said in love of course, and I definitely took my sweet time doing it...but I came down stairs, met them, but was I ever unprepared for their seemingly innocent question...
"What is your passion?"
Welcome to my then current struggle! I didn't know, I had no idea, I was lost, I felt like I was treading water and slowly but surely slipping under...I felt numb, I felt as though I had no passion...I had no concept of what made me happy...I felt like there were all of these things that I used to be passionate about, that I used to care about...but I just didn't feel anything. I wracked my brain, and the best I could come up with was sports. Now, I do love sports, I love being active, I am fascinated by the human body and how it moves and works, how God has knit us all together in such an amazing and complex way...but at that time, I couldn't really get that out. And as per usual, I just started crying. I was so frustrated that this (the crying and numbness) was my response to everything nowadays...I was so embarrassed, I'd just met these people and yet here I go blubbering away because "I am passionate about sports, oh yeah and people"...haha what a freakshow...
And yet...three days later I get a phone call...from this pastor.
They need another adult youth leader at their church, and in a couple of days they are having a week-long retreat with the other adult leaders as well as the teen leaders - meaning there are adults who help to lead the youth, but there are also teens, from the youth group who are mentoring/leading their peers...and the adults are there to offer guidance to said peer-leaders, etc....so I would be one of the adults, offering guidance, assistance, etc to these teen leaders. Now this retreat was three hours north of where I live (where no one can hear me scream...these are my thoughts at the time by the way), I know NO ONE, I am clearly an emotional basket-case, and so I say sure, when do we leave? I meet the youth pastor and his wife at Starbucks, they decide I seem harmless enough, so I go with them on the retreat.
To say I had an emotional breakthrough on this retreat would be putting it mildly. An understatement. God rocked my world. And he did it right here in North America. I memorized Scripture, I spoke life, I wrote encouraging notes, I prophesied, I worshipped, I prayed...but not for me, it wasn't about me, I was doing all of these things for these random people I had never met...these teens, the other adult leaders, other people who were at the camp with us...I just released all of the stupid lies that Satan had been whispering to me since I'd gotten home. Now, in going on this retreat, I wasn't committing to the year with them yet, this was just to get a feel for how the youth group was run and to see whether or not I would be a good fit, so it was a test run for me as well as for them. And let's just say I drank the Kool-Aid, I was hooked. I love all of these teens, they are amazing people, with such a passion for God that they would be willing to serve him, in front of their peers, sometimes saying or doing things that might make people angry, or might not seem cool. I really clicked with and was impressed by the other adult leaders, yeah sure they're all married with families, or starting families and I'm in a little different walk of life...but we are all serving the same God and aiming toward the same goal, to win this generation for Christ, to ignite the upcoming generations, to inspire God-like living.
So five or so months later, here I am, still in Newmarket, working with this youth group, and continuing to pray for these teens, their families, their small groups, the other leaders, etc. Not in Montana, at YWAM, and you know what, I am exactly where God wanted me to be. And it wasn't that God never called me there, it was more that I had to be willing to go, so that I would be willing to stay. I needed to have a reason to stay. I couldn't feel obligated to stay because I had been gone for a year away from my home and family...I needed to have a purpose, a passion here in Newmarket. And it's really just now, 5 months later that I can see this, that God didn't NOT call me to YWAM, but that He called me to follow and listen, to act in obedience to his call, whether or not it makes sense to me, or if I have to go back and explain to others why it has changed...
So here's the new announcement...I am currently working at a cafe here in Newmarket, loving life, meeting new people, etc. and saving money as I apply for graduate school....
to get my Masters of Science in Physiotherapy...
It has been quite the journey to get here, but I have no doubt that this is what I love, it's my passion, to serve God, to love and help others, with an appreciation for the human body for the way that God intended for it to move and work and function, oh and it ties in my passion for sports ;) I'll keep you posted as to where, when, how, etc., but for now just know that it is where I believe God is leading me. My reassurance is this, that not only can this degree apply here at home, but it is a valuable tool to offer abroad as well...possibly getting me into countries I might not otherwise get into if I my primary occupation is "missionary"...God knows what he is doing and I am encouraged by his love and faithfulness, and I hope that you are too...
As the favourite band of my youth (teen years) Switchfoot sings..."let my shadows prove the sunshine"
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Posted in Mission Related by Brittany Smith on 8/3/2011
So, in the answer to what is next in my life...
I will be here, in Newmarket, with the family for the next few months, but I have started the application process and I anticipate heading out to Montana in January to complete a Discipleship Training School through Youth With A Mission (DTS through YWAM). I'm excited and looking forward to continuing to learn and grow with missions in mind.
The way a DTS is set up is that there are three months of training and learning more about the "Character and Nature of God, Worldview, Prayer and Intercession, Hearing God's Voice, Relationships, Bible Study, Spirit-led Evangelism, World Missions, and Identity in Christ". It will be an explanation and further study of what I experienced while on the World Race. After the three-month "learning" phase there is a two-month "Outreach" phase which could take place anywhere in the world.
Now to answer this question right off the bat, I am not looking to do this to add more stamps to my passport. I am not doing this because I am struggling with fitting into life here in North America (although at times I am). I am burdened for my culture. God has called me to missions and ministry to my own people. In what way, I am not entirely certain, I only know what God has revealed so far.
I, of course, have no idea of what is to come. After almost a year of an "adventure in missions" God has grown me, stretched me, and molded me in ways that could have only happened through His Grace and Divine timing...although some of the things that I learned or experienced on the Race do not seem to apply as easily to the people waiting at the checkout line, or behind me in traffic. (I for one am trying to avoid driving like I've witnessed all over the world...I choose life  .) It's not impossible, but at times it seems improbable the kind of evangelism and outreach that we did on the Race. Unlike in the DR, I am unlikely to walk up to someone's house, just because they have lawn chairs out, and sit down and share my testimony. Again, not to say that that isn't possible, but here it isn't probable. With the burden for my culture, for my people, for North America...I desire greater knowledge of Him, practical application of things learned, outreach here in North America.
Frankly, I have no idea where our outreach phase will take us to. There are teams who have stayed stateside or gone to various places in Canada or Mexico. I am in some ways putting the cart before the horse, because I haven't finished my application or been accepted. But I wanted to let my supporters, my blog readers, my family, my prayer team, etc....what is coming next.
It has been hard keeping this to myself, but I wanted to make sure that my family (nuclear) had peace about me leaving home again. It's about 5 months away but I wanted to allow people to be praying that I continue to hear God's voice and call, that my family feels a peace about this next step, that I am able to raise the $6200 required to go, and that despite the quick turnaround in coming home and leaving again...that I continue to follow God's plan regardless of the way the timing seems to me and those around me.
First and foremost in my life, I want to love God, and love others. I want to honor God and bring Him glory. Right now, this step makes the most sense, mostly because two months ago I never even would have considered it. God has a way of putting things on our hearts that until we are ready for them, our hearts are hardened to them. While on the Race I said at various times that I wouldn't even consider a DTS because I'd been gone for so long from home that I didn't want to leave again, why would I want to leave for 5 more months, 2 of which might be in a completely different culture and country!?! I had said to a few people that I would do a DTS if it didn't require the Outreach part...at least not somewhere far away. I'd done the traveling, I'd done the cross-cultural experience and God wasn't calling me anywhere I'd been!
I came home, moved, got settled, but then I got anxious...maybe even a little depressed...I realized that I wasn't listening to what God was saying, that the people who had suggested a DTS had my interests in mind, that they DO hear the voice of the Lord, and that I wasn't listening. It's so easy to come home and so badly want to do all of things that you missed, see all of the people you haven't seen in a year, talk to people on the phone, eat cereal and milk...etc and I stopped listening to what God was saying, and focused only on what I thought I wanted or needed. I realized the emptiness of self-indulgence. I was overstimulated by all that was going on around me, but there are no excuses. Luckily, or should I say providentially, by the second week after we moved, I found a young women's Bible study to get plugged into. God's timing of course...we're doing a study on Daniel, and his life in the overindulged and overstimulated culture of Babylon. The choices that he and three other Hebrew young men made in the face of adversity and a friendly captivity...the kind of things I was and am currently struggling with. Meeting with these young women, reading this part of the Bible, well, it sparked some conversations, it allowed for God to speak to me.
"Turn to Me and trust in My Timing."
Around the same time we were learning about how Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah were praying to know the dream of King Nebuchadnezzar and its interpretation, I was asking God to show me what is next in my life, where to go from here...and in Daniel 2, only Daniel hears from God. The four of them are praying, but it is only Daniel who hears...so the emphasis is one the other three trusting Daniel's relationship with God enough to trust that he has been given the divine insight to prevent their deaths. Now, I am not being threatened with death...but I had to consciously admit that I trusted someone and her ability to hear God's voice in order to trust that this was the right next step. I share all of this to say that this isn't a whim, this has been heavily contemplated and I continue to pray for guidance and trust in God to provide for and direct me.
I welcome you to pray with me. Thank you for your continued love and support. God bless.
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Posted in Transitioning Home by Brittany Smith on 7/18/2011
To all of you who wanted an idea of what I'm doing next...I have a blog in the works that will reveal more of what God has recently put on my heart to do.
Not to do a teaser of a blog...but I'm not ready to reveal yet, but God is doing big things!
~Brittany
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Posted in Transitioning Home by Brittany Smith on 7/15/2011
It's hard to think of sleeping in my own bed, accessibility to clean drinking water and a warm shower, everyone around me speaking English, as shocking...but for me it is, it has been.
Now some of you might be thinking well, this is because a month after you returned home from the World Race, your family picked up and moved. To a new house, a new neighborhood...a new country. But that's not so much it. For me, being in constant flux is normal. For me, setting up a room and thinking of being there for longer than 30 days, that's NOT normal...it's overwhelming.
Perhaps I am simply an undiagnosed case of ADD...I can't sit still, I'm not able to focus on anything realistic, and yet I'm not really doing anything productive, I can't finish projects. I can't even fathom real life things. The idea of getting a cell phone or a credit card to build up a line of credit...it freaks me out. I'm convinced I don't need either of those things. I don't know what I'm doing now, let alone what I am going to do next. So why should credit matter?
I know that people ask their questions with good intentions, and just to get a feel for where I'm at. But I don't know. I can't put it into words. Ok, so reading all of these maybe I can, but maybe I just don't like the words that come to mind.
Scary. I'm scared. I'm afraid that this life I struggle against will at one point become normal. That one day, I'll be married with 2.2 kids, a dog, 2 SUVs and a white picket fence. Of course there is nothing inherently wrong with this life...I just don't want it. I fear I'll just get a job because that's what is expected of me. That I'll be okay buying a box of cereal for $5-7 because that's what they are asking for it. That I'll do things because as a 23 yr old...it's weird to not do these things.
Apathy. I'm not numb, not entirely. Sometimes just a little indifferent to things I don't deem as important. I just find that I don't care about a lot of things. In some ways this has been a good thing. I can avoid the "breakdown" that everyone is expecting. Sure, I've cried a time or two...but I find myself not as interested, not as involved.
Irritation. I'm just fed up. I don't know, but I wouldn't be opposed to taking my tent, sleeping pad, sleeping bag, mess kit, Swiss army knife and some water in the woods or a nearby provincial park and just being by myself for a while. But that's not realistic. I suppose I could do that for a bit and spend sometime praying without distractions...but it ties back into fear...what if I don't want to come back. What if I crazytown "Into the Wild" this stuff...I just disappear. That's insane, I can't come back from 11 months gone and be back for a month and a half and then just walk out. Unacceptable. Ridiculous. Irritating.
Unimpressive. I've started to feel as though all that I offer are a few tales about how I spent my last year. And depending on who I'm talking to, I can discuss different levels of what the year actually looked like. I don't want to be known as an adventurer. I'm not. I don't want to be thought of as brave, or daring, or bold. I'm not really any of those things, well I'd say maybe a little bit of the last one. ;) But what brought be on this trip, what led me around the world was a belief that God knows me and knows what he plans for me. That he has a will for my life, and that that will and plan will ultimately bring HIM the glory.
I want to be unimpressive. I don't want the story to be about me or what I did, because I didn't do anything. I shouldn't be scared or indifferent or irritated...but I can be...because the way God is lighting my path is a little like walking in the woods with a headlamp. I'm really only seeing a little bit in front of me...it's like the batteries are dying...but the light is still there. Has always been there.
I trust God. I trust that God is enough. I have seen God's faithfulness. I have witnessed it firsthand. I know His love. I know His grace. I know His sacrifice. I know that He is calling me to a greater faithfulness, to trust Him more. And as I learned in my Bible study Monday night, God is calling me to be a Daniel in my modern Babylon. To look different, to be different from a culture of overindulgence and idolatry. I want to be set apart by my desire to follow Christ in a way that passionately reflects a love of God and others. That I no longer conform to the patterns of this world, but instead am transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I might be able to test and approve of what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2). In fact, I want to live out all of Romans 12...but one thing at a time.
It feels good to just get this all out. And now I don't really want to post it, ugh vulnerability...but that was a lesson learned month 1 and since I don't want to have to relearn it...I appreciate your prayers in regard to trusting God with what plans He has for my life, and how to bring Him the most glory. Thank you.
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Posted in Going Home by Brittany Smith on 6/19/2011
Tonight, 5:00 pm.
Pearce Memorial Church.
Fellowship Center, snacks available and followed by the ice cream social!!
Please come if you are in the area!
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Posted in Transitioning Home by Brittany Smith on 5/31/2011
I'm home.
Now, just give me a second to process this, I am back from "the world" and now in Rochester, well North Chili (pronounced Chai-lie). Back to sleeping in a bed and having continual access to transportation and a freezer. Back to watching television or going to the movies, able to use my cell phone and text messaging. I have internet access in my HOUSE!! I am actually cold. I am not sweating and I no longer smell like curry.
But how do I feel about it all?
There's a good question.
It's surreal.
I have returned to the home I left, changed. Forever changed. In ways the house has changed, the neighborhood has changed, heck the airport has even changed a little in the time I've been gone, my future has changed.
This is only our house, our home, for one more month.
This is only my town, my neighborhood, my haunts, for one more month.
We're moving.
I'm emotional.
I woke up at 3:17 am yesterday morning, my first day back and I started sorting through clothes. What am I going to keep, what fits, what even looks good, what can I sell at our garage sale? My dad and mom both woke up at different times during the morning and looked in on me, wondering why the light was on, and why the heck, since I went to bed at 6:45 pm, exhausted, wasn't still sleeping.
"Brittany, you know that this can wait, get your rest!"
I know it can wait, it can all wait. But I can't wait. I can't wait to look at everything that at one time meant so much, but now doesn't really matter. To sort through clothes that were an expression, a goal, an ideal. To establish a new expression, a new goal, a new ideal.
I want to look like Christ, I want to smell like Him, talk like Him, love like Him, listen like (and to) Him, walk like Him, walk with Him.
I want my life to reflect Him!
This morning I read through the journal my dad kept throughout the year for me. I laughed, I cried, I wept, I praised God. I was able to see how what I was doing, what I did, was what God did, what God was doing. That, praise the Lord, throughout the past eleven months, God has changed not only me, but my family, my friends, those close enough to hear the stories of what God did to, with, in, for, through, despite, etc. P-Squad, July 2010 Squad...the people we met along the way.... It was amazing to read the things that family members wrote during American Thanksgiving and Christmas, that I was missed, but that they were proud of me. That they were encouraged, challenged, blessed by the way God was working in my life.
Just know that none of that would have even been possible without their prayers, their support, their faith. Without your prayers, your support, your faith.
Thank you. Really, thank you! Thank you for trusting God. For being obedient.
I also thank you for your patience, I have a few more blogs to write about this transition home and other things, but thank you for being patient throughout the year for the sporadic blurps I'd send your way.
Numbers 6:24-26 -- The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you, and give you peace.
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Posted in Going Home by Brittany Smith on 5/27/2011
So we have started the journey home...it has us camping out in Kuala Lumpur at our choice of one of three hostels. We sent Shannon home to Ireland, so she doesn't have to "circumnavigate the globe twice." To be honest, seeing someone off just makes the end seem that much more palpable.
I have the joy of continuing a little bit of the World Race lifestyle, I will get home and unpacked and all situated and then at the end of June my family and I will be moving to Toronto. Luckily I am well-versed in packing and only staying somewhere for a month, so this will be cake ;)
Just wanted to drop a line saying that things are good, I am safe and I am well on my way home. Peace and love and see you when I see you...probably within the next week!! Also, happy Memorial Day...a little early, but enjoy it!
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Posted in Malaysia by Brittany Smith on 5/22/2011
**disclaimer - this is representative of our whole squad, not just us...**
1) Toilet paper is used as a form of currency
2) You hide your food because you don't want to have to share it ("do not withhold from the one who asks of you...")
3) You save Nutella for a rainy day, but it just hasn't rained quite hard enough yet
4) You wear underwear on travel days just incase you run out of toilet paper...same goes for socks...
5) You eat garlic like an apple because you hear it keeps mosquitos away
6) You think peeing on your face clears up your acne
7) You think your pack will be lighter because you threw out your razor
8) You think eating rice dries up your diarrhea
9) You're willing to share a toothbrush
10) You're willing to use the castoff deodorant from the guys on your squad (as a female)
11) You've reduced all footwear down to flip flops
12) Debrief = deworm
13) Whole squad get-togethers equal new wardrobe...free pile anyone?!
14) You start naming the creatures that live inside of you
15) Shaving your head and nothing else is a true sign of femininity
16) You'd rather hitchhike than pay for transportation
17) You eat like every meal is your last
18) Poop is the daily dinner conversation
19) Expiration dates just don't apply to food anymore
20) The 10 second rule becomes the 10 minute rule
21) You choose the squatty potty over the Western toilet in public restrooms
22) You never go anywhere without toilet paper on your person
23) A bump, a bug, a worm, a bruise, etc. simply add character to your produce...it no longer deters you from eating it
24) A mere two meters of cloth becomes your towel, dress, skirt, blanket, headwrap, sheet, curtain, the only thing separating you from a scuzzy mattress, backpack, carry-on, pillow...
25) You have no idea that you've put on the WR 20lbs because your once tight clothes haven't seen a dryer in over 4 months...
26) The idea of showering every day or even every other day seems selfish and counterproductive
27) Any open floor space is fair game for nap time...except in China
28) Eye masks are worn all day just in case aforementioned floor space opens up
29) Previously mentioned eye masks are also used as headbands, necklaces, hair ties, etc.
30) Vermin such as rats, mice, roaches, ants, beetles, spiders, geckos, lizards, stray cats, mosquitos, etc. just become a part of the family, they might even get invited to feedback ;)
BONUS - The boys' flesh-eating pathogens actually make the girls less likely to shower, "I'm not stepping into that cesspool of a shower...do you know what's growing in that water...!?!"
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Posted in Malaysia by Brittany Smith on 5/16/2011
Just wanted to post that I am alive and well, I am loving the jungle and today I even had the chance to shower outside in a rainstorm after prayer walking 14 km with Mari.
God is so good and his creation is so beautiful...sorry for the succinctness of this blog I just wanted to get something up before the computer dies...
P.S. Praise God that my parents have bought a house...not really my news to share, but I'm just wanting to lift some praises up concerning something that has been weighing heavily on my heart.
Prayer Requests: finishing strong selling our house safety in traveling readjustments to life in the States continuing to hear God's voice at home as loudly and clearly as I hear it here...
Love you all!! See you in a couple of weeks!
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